


Life After

by NCC_1019



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Panic Attacks, back from the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 09:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCC_1019/pseuds/NCC_1019
Summary: Hugh is back from the dead but it will take some time till he is himself again. Thank god he has Paul at his side.





	Life After

It happened suddenly. One minute they were in the mass hall, getting diner. 

Generally they stayed in there quarters. Hugh didn’t like to be around too many people at the moment. He enjoyed the times he was alone with his partner after being apart for so long. But Paul wanted them to eat in the mass hall with other people around.  
“Hugh you loved to be around other people. Even when I asked you if it could just be us two you used to say that having other people around gave you a sense of living life to the fullest. That just being in a room with people around gave a feeling of belonging. Love you can’t hide yourself from that. That is still you and you need to experience that feeling again. It’s been six weeks and I’m not pushing you. If we get there and you hate it or you get tired or anything else – we’ll leave. We will leave immediately. We’ll just be in the mass hall. There will likely be very few people around and you are perfectly safe here. I’ll be with you the entire time.”  
With that Hugh had caved, because he really had liked being around people and it was something he wanted to get back. He wanted to feel like himself again so he went with Paul. At first he clutched Pauls hand and kept looking around for something out of the ordinary. But slowly he recognized his surroundings and started to relax. Judging by Pauls side glanced towards him and the rubbing of his thump over his hand he didn’t relax all that much.  
At the mass hall Hugh couldn't stand the thought of being away form Paul for any amount of time. He really didn’t feel strong enough to sit at a table alone, or worse with people who would either be looking at him funny or trying to make awkward conversation. So he stayed by Pauls side and watched him getting the food.  
Hugh currently was in a phase where he preferred soup. Potato soup because it was easy to make and you could make a batch of it for the entire week. His dad taught him the recipe and he used to make it a lot at university. When he closed his eyes and smelled that soup he was back at his shitty apartment on earth with a cup of soup and a text book. It still made him smile.

When he and Paul were moving to find a table someone else entered the mass hall and suddenly neither the mass hall nor Paul were present anymore.  
He was standing in medic bay opposite Tyler telling him that he was not Ash Tyler, that there was something else going on. He saw a quick movement, something blue and than there was a crack. His breathing speed up. There was nothing and than everything at once. A noise, colors an than a felling. A brief memory of Paul, so much love and adoration and oh so much pain. The feeling of loos and devastation. Knowing that he had to let go but not wanting to, the reluctance.  
What followed was pain. Being constantly attacked and there was no way out. No where to hide. No relief. But he couldn't just give up. There was something, something that kept him from giving up. From just giving in to the temptation of ending the pain. Of letting it take him. Why wouldn’t it stop. Why was no one helping him. Why did everything hurt so much. What was attacking him. What had he done. Where was he. Would he ever get …

“Hugh, love. Hugh look at me. You are safe. It’s me Paul. Love look at me. You are here. You are at the Discovery in the mass hall with me. You are safe.”  
Slowly Hugh registered a familiar sound. Paul kept talking to him.  
“Hugh everything is ok. You are with me. You are save. Just look at me and we will go back to our apartment. Hey, hey it’s all right. No one will harm you.” There was a slight waver in Pauls voice and Hugh now could make out the emotions that Paul normally hid away so well. Slowly Hugh registered the meaning of what Pauls words. He looked around and recognized the mess hall and some of the people standing around him. He was crouched at the floor, his hands sweaty and shaking visible. Paul was on his knees in front of him, looking worried and so scared that it pained Hugh. He put him in that position, it was his fault. He closed his eyes as Paul caressed his cheeks with both of his hands. He kissed Hugh lightly on the forehead.  
“Are you back, love?”  
Hugh was still catching his breath and opened his eyes slowly. “Getting there.”  
“Can you stand? I’d like to take you to our apartment. No I actually like to take you to the medic bay but I don’t think you would appreciate that so I’m taking you home.”  
Hugh leaned his head on Pauls shoulder for a moment before slowly trying to stand up. He wouldn’t have been able to if Paul hadn’t helped him.  
Hugh registered that Paul snared at anyone who was getting to close to them but he didn’t register who it was. Although he might have caught a glimpse of a redhead. Paul would need to apologize to Tilly tomorrow.

When they reached their room Paul dimmed the light and lead Hugh to the bed. He fetched a camille tea before joining Hugh on the bed. He placed the tea in Hughs hands and took the duvet and placed it over Hughs shoulders.  
“I’m so sorry Hugh. If I had known I wouldn’t suggested going to the mess hall.” He hugged Hugh tight, despite the tea in Hughs hands and Hugh leaned his head on Pauls shoulder. Feeling the warmth of Pauls body grounded him. He was safe here, with Paul. Everything was ok. All of it lay in the past and he had survived. Well net survived, but he was alive now. That was something he could focus on. He was not alone and he was safe. 

“It wasn’t the mess hall. I actually liked it. At least the idea of being around people again. It was ok with you there. What happened there, that was … I don’t know. I just had these flash backs. I saw Ash Tyler coming into the mess and suddenly I was back in the medic bay. You laying there delirious and I thought I had lost you forever. And Tyler was asking if he was fine. I ran another test and there was something wrong with him and then I told him. I suddenly was back there. He just grapped me and than I was in the network. And before long there was so much pain and I was fighting for my life because even if I let you go I wanted to have another chance to see you.” Hugh was crying and he didn’t know if he was making any sense but he wanted to tell Paul. He needed Paul to understand. He just needed Paul.  
Rationally Hugh knew that it wouldn’t be that easy. The nightmares wouldn’t stop just like that or the flashbacks and the panic attacks. But in this moment he needed to believe that it would be that easy, otherwise he would go mad. At this moment all he wanted to need was Paul.  
“I was just so alone and everything hurt. All I wanted was to go back to you and keep brushing my teeth with you next to me. I kept preying that it finally would stop. That someone would come to help me. That you would come back and help me. I was just so scared and alone and tired.”  
Paul was crying as well and Hugh had buried his head in Pauls shirt as much as possible. “And when I was Tyler in the mess it all came back to me. Everything. Every feeling and all those memories.” Hughs voice grew lower and when he stopped talking both men were lying on the bed cuddled into each other clutching each other and just breathing.  
It took several minutes for Paul to say anything. “You are here now. You are with me now and I will never let you go again. You hear me – you are here and you will stay here and you are safe here.” Both men knew that Paul couldn't make such a promise. They were Star Fleet officers and that meant risky missions and anything was possible.  
“The Vulcan council has renewed their offer for me to teach at their academy. I could take that job and we could move to Vulcan and start fresh.”  
Hugh didn’t say anything but he would thing about that. Maybe it would be the best course of action even though he wasn’t quite sure if he really wanted to move to a planet where emotions were considered a weakness. But there was no rush to decide.  
“I love you, Paul.” Hugh cuddled deeper into him and placed the duvet above both of them. “I love you, too. So much.” Paul kissed Hughs forehead once more and afterwards sealed their lips in a slow and loving kiss. With that they dosed of to sleep. Both forgetting that they had neglected to eat anything tonight. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was Tilly who told him in the mess hall, when he was finally able to go to the mess hall without Paul when someone else he knew was there. Apparently Paul had cornered Ash Tyler the next day and told him to get of the ship as soon as possible. Until then Tyler should make sure that he didn’t accidentally run into Hugh and would be advised to stay away form Paul as well. There were a few swears involved and, as Tilly told him in a hushed voice, a few threats as well.  
Hugh couldn't say that he was really shocked and he hadn’t seen Tyler since this first encounter in the mess hall. He really wasn’t all that sad about it. Maybe someday he would need to work through that and at least accept Tylers existence but there were more pressing matters at the moment. He finally was starting to settle into a normal life again and that was something he didn’t want to upset at the moment. He would just take everyday as it came for a while. 

At that moment Paul entered the mess hall and found Hugh immediately. Hughs face lit up with a smile as his love walked towards him and his heart still fluttered when he saw him. Hugh hoped that at least that wouldn’t change.


End file.
